With Valentine's Day fast approaching I've seen a lot of people talking about their relationships, or the absence of them. Year round, I have a lot of people ask me why I'm single. My usual response is "How much time do you have?" as the list goes on and on. So I was on Twitter earlier and saw a tweet from Dondre Whitfield (one of my first TV crushes who is married to the gorgeous Salli Richardson-Whitfield, another of my favorites) that went like this "W/all these women out here w/o a man, the simple actin women who mistreat the GOOD 1's need to be on a reality show called #WutDaF&&kRUDoin". He brought a lot to my mind and I just had to share. My response was basically that these tramps make it pointless for us loyal women because brothers are just waiting for us to start acting crazy like them. But you wonder why I'm single? I'll tell you why.
You have these women out here who call themselves together and put up a great appearance that they are. You meet them somewhere and they have those nails done, not a hair out of place - real or not - and the latest designer clothes and shoes on. She then struts to her barely hanging on Chevy (credit too busted to afford anything else) and drives home where she lives in her parent's basement because she's so bad with money she can't keep her bills paid and she barely works. She could care less whether or not her kid did their homework because she usually leaves that to mama so she can do her thing. You get to come over as often as you want because she knows "mama got the kid". And every time you speak she wants something from your wallet. Til she finds someone with a bigger wallet.
Then you meet a chick who might be at home with mama because she got laid off and spent a few months between jobs and is just about to get her own place. A brother will miss out because he'll just assume because she's down that she doesn't want to improve her situation and that she's going to be all in his pockets just like the last one. He'll miss out on being inspired by and falling in love with her determination to dig herself out of a temporary hole and be better than she was before because of it. He won't be around to see what a good example of perseverance she'd be to their children because he just can't go through that again.
Or the chick who spends all her time talking about her ex and how triflin' he dealt with her. You know the relationship beginning to end, some conversations you know word for word by now. You can't say hello to another woman without it being a woman he slept with before. And what if he did? Just because your ex was still doing his ex while he was with you doesn't mean the new man is. He can't get a text message that he's not willing to answer in front of you either. "Why you ignorin' that? Oh, you don't wanna pick it up 'cause I'm right here?" Maybe he's comfortable in that spot he found to put his arm behind you on the sofa and he's really into the chick flick YOU FORCED HIM TO WATCH WITH YOU and he doesn't want to move? Simple broad...but that's the one he'll remember when he's dealing with the next woman.
So he won't even want to give the time of day to the woman who has dealt with men enough to know that sometimes they cheat (so do women) but that doesn't mean they all do. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. He won't see that she realizes that relationships end for lots of different reasons and that - gasp - IT ISN'T ALWAYS HIS FAULT. There are women who understand that there are men that will not cheat and that treat their women like they deserve to be treated and that just because she may not have met that man yet, that doesn't mean he doesn't exist. That means God hasn't put them in each other's paths yet. Or He has and they haven't figured each other out yet. But that may not be enough by the time he meets her. He'll just be expecting the accusation.
Then there's the chick who can't be with just one man. Tr*&k, you are no different to a man that you would call a "ho" or a "dog". You want him, but you want everybody else too. But you let him think you only want him because you don't want him stepping out and doing what you're doing behind his back. With his friends, his relatives, people he works with, Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike, Ralph, Johnny (NE4LIFE...sorry). Just punking him publicly, everyone knows about it...except him.
You keep letting him think it's all about him because you don't want anyone else to have him, heaven forbid someone else benefits from having a decent man in her life. You know what, you're selfish. It's just like I tell men, if you don't want to be with that person and that person only, let them go and don't let them believe it's exclusive if it isn't. If you really cared about that man, you'd let that man be happy with someone who wants to be faithful to him. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You want to hold a good man because you know he's a good man, but you want your little piece on the side too, because you can't bear the thought of him being happy with the kind of woman he deserves.
So then he meets a good woman who still believes in monogamy (some of you need to look it up, like do that NOW) and just wants to be with one person until she dies because THAT'S WHAT GOD SAYS!! She prays and believes that God will put her with a man who believes the same and she believes you are that man. She could not be bothered to have any dealings with a man that she isn't fully committed to, she's not interested in having a bunch of flirtatious relationships with "male friends" just in case things don't work out with him.
But he'll be so damaged by the hurt from what the last woman did that he won't be able to bring himself to believe that there really is a woman who wants to be with just him, who couldn't care less what he has besides a job, a roof, and DRIVE because she knows that with her by his side she'll help push them BOTH to success. Money will come and they'll both be able to appreciate what they BOTH worked hard for as a team. He may think he doesn't have enough money, or sexual prowess, or he'll feel emasculated because he keeps ending up with scandalous women.
Then you have my favorite: the stupid women who put up with being treated like yesterday's leftover's. You let these men sleep in your beds when they have wives at home. You let them pass you STD's and believe them when they swear you must have had it before you got together five years ago. You give them money whenever they tell you to, whether they work or not. You let them hit you. You put up with them not paying their child support or spending time with their children without going to court. You repeatedly let them get away with cheating on you. You allow them to mistreat your family and keep you away from the people that matter the most to you so that they can't talk some sense into you and you do it over and over again and these men get with a woman like me and think that's acceptable and can't deal with me when they realize I don't accept that. Lots of us don't.
So to keep the next one from getting his money, he'll just take her time, but he won't take her anywhere. He's done with dates. Or to keep from being hurt by a cheater, he'll go cheat first so that it won't hurt as bad if he finds out you did too. Or he'll avoid women who even mention God because all he can think about is how badly his chest heart when he got his heart broken by the last "church girl". Or maybe he'll just give up altogether and a really wonderful human being will miss out on being a best friend, loving husband and father. He may watch me walk by, but he won't talk to me or any of the rest of us looking for him and others like him. By now he's convinced we're all the same. He'll either give up, or turn into the guy you don't want.
We'll all stay single, and we'll all keep wondering why.
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